Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Diary of a single Malaysian

I find myself yet again wondering the streets of Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur not sure of what my motives are. I had, initially, in mind to just enjoy a cup of coffee at Starbucks but to my dismay, there weren't any singles insight for me to not feel like an outcast.

Which now leads me to there a place in town that's meant for single lonely people like me? A place where it's not socially awkward for me to just take a sit alone...either at the bar, or a table. 
A place where other single lonely people could gather and feel less lonely? Not a club or a pub! A daytime place. Cafes, restaurants, bistros, coffee shops. Places like these.

For my foreign readers from different parts of the world, places like these might already exist. But here in Malaysia, it doesn't. Or at least maybe I just haven't found one yet. 
Here in my homeland, a table will automatically come with a set of chairs. Its meant for a group of more than, well, one. If you're by yourself, it's safe to assume you'd be grabbing some food TO GO. It's a social preference. 
I guess they're aren't many Malaysians like me. You know...the kind that wonders aimlessly to find a cozy spot for me to enjoy whatever my order is, just so I can sit and silently play matchmate with myself. Pathetic much? It gets better. I would literally cafe-hop just so I could try out my 'market'. Scouting every Starbucks, mamaks, bistros, just so I'd have a change of view (and people).

Desperate is an understatement. Oh no...I'm beyond that. And I have no shame admitting to it. I guess because its pretty much isn't a secret after all. Trust me, someone (I hardly) know told me that right in my face. But don't worry, we're friends now. Besides, he pretty much was JUST being honest. 
So yeah, I'm here trying to fit into the crowd but only to be rejected by not being seen or noticed at all. Ok, so "at all" is an exaggeration. They see me, some might even turn their heads in an all obvious manner to look at me. But all I can think about is them asking themselves "what's with the lonely bastard? He aint got no friends with him...he's got to be a bastard!". Pardon my language.  
Perhaos, only perhaps, I'm just being judgmental to myself though. What if, if they really...don't give a craps??
Could it be that we make ourselves feel unaccepted to the public for being alone? Why do we do it? Do I have to keep asking these questions knowing no one will answer me? 
Well it's not just for me though. It's for everyone me.

I often think to myself, what if...WHAT future soulmate is doing the exact same thing? That one day we'll exchange glances on our one-seater table, and knew we were meant to meet. This time, as I write that down, I feel the energetic cheers orf many millions single boys and girls, man and women. Yeah right! I'll probably end up with one or two readers on this post. Just self humour. Haha. 
But seriously though, what if....
It's not even a crazy thought. It's a very possible assumption. Of course, there are many other ways we could meet.
Maybe even one of my readers? *did I not say I'm desperate?*

Much thought has been given into love. In fact, it drains the soul out of me. I told myself once, twice, a gazillion times that love doesn't always play a crucial role in life! It's important. Would be nice to be in love, but it's just not much of a priority to be happy. You see, being happy is very subjective. Whomever says money can't buy you happiness, would totally be someone like me. Someone so into the idea of falling in love, that they (we) would go out of our way to make ourselves noticed by that stupid flying pest we call...cupid. 
Unfortunately cupid sees us and yet figured out to whom to point that arrow to next. Stupid cupid.

It worries me. When I'm being told by someone else that they've been living the single's life for years, some even up to 14 years. Here I am...8. 8 freaking MONTHS and I'm already raising the white flag. 
Sure I'm coming to terms with myself not introducing myself as someone else's partner, but still, it would be nice to do so.

These are the times I wish I could call in psychic Tia and asks her about my future. This way, I won't need to even waste my time and money on beverages I'm not even thirsty enough to finish it up.

Ouh well...cest la vie


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