Sunday, September 12, 2010

Love sick...or Sick of love?

(sorry that all i ever talk about is LOVE. But thats what been playing a HUGE role in everyone's life)

Here i am sitting in my room, listening to songs i used to listen 4 years back.
I remember myself well...obese, naive, playful, in love but oh so clueless.
Yes, clueless of what the future has to offer me....a whole lotta BULLSHIT!

So my story dates back in high school. I had a crush, or can i say crushes, none of it worked out. This was most likely due to my two enemies...One called Tripple chin, the other simply Mr Tummy. Yes yes, i did mentioned i was obese!

Back then, i thought BEING in love is exactly like how we see it in the movies. A picture perfect vision.
So i was trying hard to be in love. I've already fallen in love too many times, but i never manage to successfully had an official partner. Meanwhile, everyone else around me was going through their high school love story..or as what we would call it, 'puppy love' moments.
Deep down i was envious, jealous and upset with those lovebirds but yet inside, im just waiting or MY moments.

(4 years later, now i know that those moments was only for me to witness through someone else).

My biggest crush was a certain someone in my class. ~Kind, gentle, smart, and honest~These were the qualities i was attracted to. Physically, there was nothing great to even look at.
'The heart was what matters'.
But a year passed and before we knew it, school was over and college parted us both. But we still kept in contact although now we're basically in strangersville.
But we never had those intimate moments, nor did we had a mutual interest. It was ALL me.

College gave me the idea that i might have a new start...or a beginning at all, to be exact!
But tsk tsk Atif, how wrong were you.
I went through the repeated dance of my failing love story.
But thats ok! Love is beautiful, pure, honest and graceful. And somewhere out there, i'll find THE ONE :)

I kept my head held high~
I kept my hope strong at heart~
I held my faith strongly in love's hand~
I stayed on the look out for my 'Moment'.

It never came.....

2 years back, i had my first official love. Oh i was on cloud 9!
Happy as could be, i was relieved and impress at myself that i finally had someone to call my OWN!
Shortly after, REALITY hit me in the face!
And things ended only after 2 months.
I went throught the same progress repeatedly for the next 2 years with many many (practically countless) others.
Untill now, finally, i've open my eyes and bare witness on how the world actually works.

Love isn't a fairytale nor is LIFE.
Well, not mine atleast.

These days, "I Love You"s no longer sweep me off my feet.
It no longer thrills me of the fact that love has 'found' me. And i dont believe in it either. unfortunately, Cupid has lost its power on me and all arrows are now broken.

Some might say im just 'frightened' of love, others may say im just heartless. Which is it?
maybe its a little bit of both. Besides, why do we always need to choose between one another?

Love has lost its quality to me. And maybe i spoke to soon. Maybe my time has yet to come..after all, im only 21.
But for the moment, i'll stick to what i know and learned from that funny cruel four letter word....


Yours truly,

1 comment:

  1. Never give up babes. Don't become a cynical spinster. You have so much more to offer! :D