Friday, July 9, 2010

im Single...and im OK???..YES!

It's as if i woken up in a whole new different world.
One minuet i was crying my heart out, the next, i woken up feeling rather 'carefree'!

What is this feeling?
Why am i actually smiling of the fact i lost yet another love interest in my life?
It's as if a huge rock has been lifted off me and i can breath....yes, BREATH!!!
Im finally breathing again...but this time, solo.
Is it true?...i finally came to terms of peace with myself for being single?!
yes, i think so!

All those talks i hear people saying how they enjoy being single was once (i thought) was mere self-comfort therapy. Now its happened to me :)
This is all unfamiliar territory to me.

Ok, so here's the story..lets get personal ;)

If you've been loyally following my blog (or personally know me), you'd know that God forbids me to have a stable relationship. The longest i had was for 5 months. period.
I ended my last relationship (which lasts for no more than 2 months) in December 2009. Since then, i've been searching high and low for my next potential long term relationship. Dating is all too familiar for me. one after fail fail.
Ok. But i never give up. There's this little voice in me thats saying i WILL eventually end up with 'THE ONE'. I call that lying bitch, Hope.
So heartbreaks kept walking on me like im a doormat. I let myself hurt everytime, i think it's becuz i let them hold a piece of my heart untill they decide to drop it. cRAsH on the ground. And i ended up picking up and putting all the shattered pieces back together over and over again. This is partly my fault for falling in love too easily. But these are the things you just cant help yourself right?

So anyway, was dating 'L' for a month now.
'L' just got out of a 2 years relationship about a week before i met 'L' and 'L' approached me at a club. We talked, exchanged numbers, kissed (yes...THAT was the beginning point of my mistake) and promised to meet up each other over lunch. Back on the dating game. Things was going smoothly (or so atleast in my point of view) and along the way i gave 'L' my newly repaired heart. SHIT!
We texted each other everyday, i missed 'L' on every single second i live on without the sight of 'L' with me. I was offically in love. So i learn not to waste time, i confessed my feelings, emotions and even future plans (Atif, atif, atif....reading this back i realize what a dumbass i was (am)). And after all this, the response i got from 'L' was "im interested in you, but i keep reserving my feelings from you..but i promise to TRY to open up to you". To TRY to open up???
Could i have been anymore naive? yes...i let 'L' had the best of me.
Then bla bla bla, last week (as of the day this blog is written) we went to the club that 'introduced' us. But we came separately. Long story short here's what happened...

'L' didn't approached me the whole night! As a matter of fact, 'L' even avoided me! yes, 'L' literally tried running away. Ouch eh...
Then from above (2nd floor), i was the watchful eye of a bitter eagle. Then i saw IT. 'L' was locking lips with 3 different man whores (in which 'L' calls them friends). Double ouch!

Now today i wake up thinking of 'L' but without hoping or with any possibilities. I live my life for today, with no lover, no future plans, and no/less 'L'.
And im feeling rather OK with myself! :)
Honestly i am..i think partly thanks to ALL my friends. Yes, friends are Gods way of telling you that no matter what, other people will pretend to give shit about you. And it works i must say! ;p
So YAY!!!

Now im just gonna flirt around, socialize myself like any happy single boys out there.
hmmmm...come to think of it, i might be turning into 'L' myself!
But if its one differents that saparate me from 'L' is that, when love (true, real, honest love) comes knocking on my door, i'll welcome it with open arms..and legs eventually *wink
Becuz i KNOW what i want...and that is STILL to be loved back.
Till then, its my life to enjoy and no more bitch whispering lier called HOPE in my head can make me go through this again. Enough is enough.

I got me, myself and I baybeh ;D

*dedicated to all those broken hearted...i care :)

1 comment:

  1. honey, what ive learned bout relationships (it took me a while and several times of heartbroken to realise) is that when you're with someone, never hv any expectations! go with the flow. never expect him to be the one coz there ain't any. if there is, then that is the exception. take love as a business you hv to maintain. compromise and nvr reveal the secret of your plans. it might scare the shit out of them!however,enjoy single life, coz you can do lots of things when ur single!happy fishing!