Diary of a single Malaysian

I find myself yet again wondering the streets of Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur not sure of what my motives are. I had, initially, in mind to just enjoy a cup of coffee at Starbucks but to my dismay, there weren't any singles insight for me to not feel like an outcast.

Which now leads me to wonder...is there a place in town that's meant for single lonely people like me? A place where it's not socially awkward for me to just take a sit alone...either at the bar, or a table. 
A place where other single lonely people could gather and feel less lonely? Not a club or a pub! A daytime place. Cafes, restaurants, bistros, coffee shops. Places like these.

For my foreign readers from different parts of the world, places like these might already exist. But here in Malaysia, it doesn't. Or at least maybe I just haven't found one yet. 
Here in my homeland, a table will automatically come with a set of chairs. Its meant for a group of more than, well, one. If you're by yourself, it's safe to assume you'd be grabbing some food TO GO. It's a social preference. 
I guess they're aren't many Malaysians like me. You know...the kind that wonders aimlessly to find a cozy spot for me to enjoy whatever my order is, just so I can sit and silently play matchmate with myself. Pathetic much? It gets better. I would literally cafe-hop just so I could try out my 'market'. Scouting every Starbucks, mamaks, bistros, just so I'd have a change of view (and people).

Desperate is an understatement. Oh no...I'm beyond that. And I have no shame admitting to it. I guess because its pretty much isn't a secret after all. Trust me, someone (I hardly) know told me that right in my face. But don't worry, we're friends now. Besides, he pretty much was JUST being honest. 
So yeah, I'm here trying to fit into the crowd but only to be rejected by not being seen or noticed at all. Ok, so "at all" is an exaggeration. They see me, some might even turn their heads in an all obvious manner to look at me. But all I can think about is them asking themselves "what's with the lonely bastard? He aint got no friends with him...he's got to be a bastard!". Pardon my language.  
Perhaos, only perhaps, I'm just being judgmental to myself though. What if, if they really...don't give a craps??
Could it be that we make ourselves feel unaccepted to the public for being alone? Why do we do it? Do I have to keep asking these questions knowing no one will answer me? 
Well it's not just for me though. It's for everyone else..like me.

I often think to myself, what if...WHAT IF...my future soulmate is doing the exact same thing? That one day we'll exchange glances on our one-seater table, and knew we were meant to meet. This time, as I write that down, I feel the energetic cheers orf many millions single boys and girls, man and women. Yeah right! I'll probably end up with one or two readers on this post. Just self humour. Haha. 
But seriously though, what if....
It's not even a crazy thought. It's a very possible assumption. Of course, there are many other ways we could meet.
Maybe even one of my readers? *did I not say I'm desperate?*

Much thought has been given into love. In fact, it drains the soul out of me. I told myself once, twice, a gazillion times that love doesn't always play a crucial role in life! It's important. Would be nice to be in love, but it's just not much of a priority to be happy. You see, being happy is very subjective. Whomever says money can't buy you happiness, would totally be someone like me. Someone so into the idea of falling in love, that they (we) would go out of our way to make ourselves noticed by that stupid flying pest we call...cupid. 
Unfortunately cupid sees us and yet figured out to whom to point that arrow to next. Stupid cupid.

It worries me. When I'm being told by someone else that they've been living the single's life for years, some even up to 14 years. Here I am...8. 8 freaking MONTHS and I'm already raising the white flag. 
Sure I'm coming to terms with myself not introducing myself as someone else's partner, but still, it would be nice to do so.

These are the times I wish I could call in psychic Tia and asks her about my future. This way, I won't need to even waste my time and money on beverages I'm not even thirsty enough to finish it up.

Ouh well...cest la vie

AZ

im Single...and im OK???..YES!

It's as if i woken up in a whole new different world.
One minuet i was crying my heart out, the next, i woken up feeling rather 'carefree'!

What is this feeling?
Why am i actually smiling of the fact i lost yet another love interest in my life?
It's as if a huge rock has been lifted off me and i can breath....yes, BREATH!!!
Im finally breathing again...but this time, solo.
Is it true?...i finally came to terms of peace with myself for being single?!
yes, i think so!

All those talks i hear people saying how they enjoy being single was once (i thought) was mere self-comfort therapy. Now its happened to me :)
This is all unfamiliar territory to me.

Ok, so here's the story..lets get personal ;)

If you've been loyally following my blog (or personally know me), you'd know that God forbids me to have a stable relationship. The longest i had was for 5 months. period.
I ended my last relationship (which lasts for no more than 2 months) in December 2009. Since then, i've been searching high and low for my next potential long term relationship. Dating is all too familiar for me. one after another....fail fail fail.
Ok. But i never give up. There's this little voice in me thats saying i WILL eventually end up with 'THE ONE'. I call that lying bitch, Hope.
So heartbreaks kept walking on me like im a doormat. I let myself hurt everytime, i think it's becuz i let them hold a piece of my heart untill they decide to drop it. cRAsH on the ground. And i ended up picking up and putting all the shattered pieces back together over and over again. This is partly my fault for falling in love too easily. But these are the things you just cant help yourself right?

So anyway, was dating 'L' for a month now.
'L' just got out of a 2 years relationship about a week before i met 'L' and 'L' approached me at a club. We talked, exchanged numbers, kissed (yes...THAT was the beginning point of my mistake) and promised to meet up each other over lunch. Back on the dating game. Things was going smoothly (or so atleast in my point of view) and along the way i gave 'L' my newly repaired heart. SHIT!
We texted each other everyday, i missed 'L' on every single second i live on without the sight of 'L' with me. I was offically in love. So i learn not to waste time, i confessed my feelings, emotions and even future plans (Atif, atif, atif....reading this back i realize what a dumbass i was (am)). And after all this, the response i got from 'L' was "im interested in you, but i keep reserving my feelings from you..but i promise to TRY to open up to you". To TRY to open up???
Could i have been anymore naive? yes...i let 'L' had the best of me.
Then bla bla bla, last week (as of the day this blog is written) we went to the club that 'introduced' us. But we came separately. Long story short here's what happened...

'L' didn't approached me the whole night! As a matter of fact, 'L' even avoided me! yes, 'L' literally tried running away. Ouch eh...
Then from above (2nd floor), i was the watchful eye of a bitter eagle. Then i saw IT. 'L' was locking lips with 3 different man whores (in which 'L' calls them friends). Double ouch!

Now today i wake up thinking of 'L' but without hoping or with any possibilities. I live my life for today, with no lover, no future plans, and no/less 'L'.
And im feeling rather OK with myself! :)
Honestly i am..i think partly thanks to ALL my friends. Yes, friends are Gods way of telling you that no matter what, other people will pretend to give shit about you. And it works i must say! ;p
So YAY!!!

Now im just gonna flirt around, socialize myself like any happy single boys out there.
hmmmm...come to think of it, i might be turning into 'L' myself!
But if its one differents that saparate me from 'L' is that, when love (true, real, honest love) comes knocking on my door, i'll welcome it with open arms..and legs eventually *wink
Becuz i KNOW what i want...and that is STILL to be loved back.
Till then, its my life to enjoy and no more bitch whispering lier called HOPE in my head can make me go through this again. Enough is enough.

I got me, myself and I baybeh ;D


*dedicated to all those broken hearted...i care :)

MUSiC> Gravity

One of my new favorite artist from the UK...Pixie Lott!
I've heard her album and i'll give it a 4 out of 5 ****

One of my favourite track on the album however has gotta be 'Gravity'.
The song tells the story of how she is in love with a guy but everyone around her says he's not good for her and that she should leave him for her own good.
But ofcourse the power of love sometimes wins, and she ended up not being able to leave him everytime she tries....just like gravity. You can only jump at your highest but your feet will be back on the ground.

One of those songs im sure many can relate to.

The video is simple.
Its shows her doing a contemporary dance in a black tutu, jumping off from the ground in a very nice formal outfit in slow motion and showing her show girl side in a short black wig and sexy black dressing (which reminds me a lot of Catherine Zeta-Jones actually).

Its not one of those dance song, neither is it a slow emotional song...its sort of has a very 'inspirational' vibe to it. But thats only my opinion. Check it out and judge for yourself :)

MOVING ON I AM!!!....but to who???

So yes, i did had a very emotional breakdown for the past 6 months and few weeks back i finally met my heartbreaker again at a club (dont ask) and i realized...
i dont love you anymore!

Then it hit me! I am finally able to move on!!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!


But little did i know that moving on weren't as easy as it used to be.
Every week i go clubbing in search of THE ONE but every week i ended up going home with nothing more than my shadow.

and finally i gotten fed-up of it.
im giving up clubbing in hopes of getting lucky (i dont mean sex here aites).
i understand now how someone can actually grow bored and tired of something at what i thought (at the time) was endless fun.

So here i am writting this down just to let ya'll know that im still single and available for no certain reason...and no..im not promoting myself *wink

I miss the feeling of being IN LOVE (being loved back).
i mean without your 'other half', your just as lonely as u can get even with all the people in the world!

Bitter heart, bitter heart..

Oh well...guess i'll just wait and wait and wait till the time comes :/

blughhhb